Tonight I sat in the rocking chair with Bub. For so many years I have rocked my Bubba Bear through good and bad. This was different. You see he was sitting next to me, rocking beside me, and telling me about his day. Sure it went something like:
" I EAT a CHEEESEburger with Lori. Haha! Whoops! Fries, french fries on the floor."
It was in that moment, the disappointment of my day did not seem to matter. It was in that moment, I stopped and realized how far he has come. Maybe to see how much my baby boy has grown up I needed to step back and take some time away. We have been able to do that more in the past few weeks as we have respite time each week. Sometimes it is hard to leave, but it truly makes me value the time I have with him.
This summer has been busy as Nessa completed her first year of 4H. It has given us opportunity to focus on Bean and give her time one on one with each of us, extended family, and friends too.
We have taken Ayden to the fair and he has enjoyed it too. However, we are planning a trip to the State Fair without him in August. We want the focus to be on Nessa and what she wants to see and do, not what kind of mood Ayden is in or if he is getting enough to drink, etc. I am excited to go without the thought of pushing Bub's chair all over or trying to figure out where or how to change him, but then I am feeling guilty too. My little boy is growing up and as any mom knows you just want time to SLOW DOWN. The thought of making memories without him seems wrong. It seems unfair to him. A very good friend reminded me today that Danessa has waited and gone without this or that because Ayden wasn't in the mood or Ayden need to do this. We went as a family to Holiday World last month for vacation, we made memories, Ayden had fun, and rode rides. This trip to the State Fair is just a day trip long enough to walk around, check out all the projects, and maybe let Nessa chose where to go or what to eat. Every time the doubt creeps in, I try to remember how excited Nessa was when we shared the plan. I know she loves her brother, but sisters get tired too, and that little 2 year old with beautiful blonde curls isn't a baby anymore either. She was at the fair walking around proudly with friends. Loving the independence and how grown up she felt so much that she may or may not have had trouble hearing me call her name as I walked behind her for awhile.
The Lord has blessed us with quite an amazing little family, two beautiful kids that each have very special places in our hearts. We have been blessed with great health for both of them. As I have said before this blog is becoming less of a Caring Page site transition and more of just a place to share success. Tonight I can tell you with full confidence they are growing up FAST! Together as a family or each in their own way we want to spend the time with them that they need. We are Blessed.
PS. Yes, I did put Bub on my lap and rock him a bit before bed tonight too. It is probably a pretty ridiculous sight to see, but that is ok by me.
